The English Magazine

The Lucky Saucer

An art collector is walking through London looking for a Christmas present, when he notices a mangy cat lapping milk from a saucer in the doorway of a shop.

The German Child

An English couple adopt a child from Germany, however, this should not be a problem. There is nothing to worry about as it's a healthy baby boy.

As the child grows older, he shows a preference for dressing in lederhosen and has a pudding bowl haircut, but there is nothing to worry about as all his basic functions develop normally. He can walk, eat, sleep, read and so on, but for some reason the German child never speaks.

Best Day Ever

Whilst sitting down for breakfast a woman says to her husband, "I bet you don't know what day it is today."

The husband replies, "Of course I do darling.  How could I ever forget?"

The husband leaves for work and later that morning a dozen red roses are delivered.  In the afternoon a huge box of chocolates arrive at the door followed by a beautiful evening dress.  When he arrives back home the husband gives his wife a beautiful pearl necklace.

His wife throws her arms around him and gives him a huge kiss, exclaiming, "I've never had such a wonderful Halloween in my whole life!"

More English jokes here

Who discovered America?

Teacher:  Elinor please point to America on the globe.

Elinor:     It's here.
 
Teacher:  Well done. Now Little Johnny, who found America? 

LIttle Johnny:     Elinor did.

More English jokes here